Teaching brought up some issues that have made me reflect on not just the immediate area of concern but in the wider picture.
The resulting thinking has given me a real insight into the personal too, and the following list of words have come to the forefront of my reflections:
In a nutshell I am even more aware now of the 'controlling' nature of my personality; I don't mean I wish to be 'top dog' but I don't cope very well with letting go. I see the successes and failures of my students as a direct reflection of my abilities and my own failings - a success is attributed to the ability of the student whereas a failure is because I haven't done my job properly.
So my inquiry has ended up giving me two lots of data to analyse; the words of my students and the reflections on my own motives, needs, drives, etc! It has opened my eyes to how my own personal development has not produced such 'well-being' or 'self-efficacy' and the literature has given me real insight into how I might go about moving forwards.
I know that this is a very personal post but it's all part of my (hopeful) development of 'me' - keeping things in, not asking for help, assuming responsibility, the list is (seemingly) endless.
If I am challenging my students to become more intrinsically motivated, more self-determining and more able to take risks and accept failure as part of learning then what kind of teacher would I be to refuse to do the same?
Honestly, I am slightly scared by the journey ahead. The 'unknown' and 'change' are not words that I find comforting, however there doesn't seem to be any other way of pushing forwards; as I found myself writing in my draft critical reflection earlier this week:
"my students and I are inextricably linked; if the former stops or stagnates then so will the latter."
Boy, oh boy, this reflecting lark can be quite emotional at times!