Thursday, 28 November 2013


It's been a tough week this week, both personally and professionally - although I'm pretty sure the one has affected the other too.

Teaching brought up some issues that have made me reflect on not just the immediate area of concern but in the wider picture.
The resulting thinking has given me a real insight into the personal too, and the following list of words have come to the forefront of my reflections:


In a nutshell I am even more aware now of the 'controlling' nature of my personality; I don't mean I wish to be 'top dog' but I don't cope very well with letting go. I see the successes and failures of my students as a direct reflection of my abilities and my own failings - a success is attributed to the ability of the student whereas a failure is because I haven't done my job properly.

So my inquiry has ended up giving me two lots of data to analyse; the words of my students and the reflections on my own motives, needs, drives, etc! It has opened my eyes to how my own personal development has not produced such 'well-being' or 'self-efficacy' and the literature has given me real insight into how I might go about moving forwards.

I know that this is a very personal post but it's all part of my (hopeful) development of 'me' - keeping things in, not asking for help, assuming responsibility, the list is (seemingly) endless.
If I am challenging my students to become more intrinsically motivated, more self-determining and more able to take risks and accept failure as part of learning then what kind of teacher would I be to refuse to do the same?

Honestly, I am slightly scared by the journey ahead. The 'unknown' and 'change' are not words that I find comforting, however there doesn't seem to be any other way of pushing forwards; as I found myself writing in my draft critical reflection earlier this week:
"my students and I are inextricably linked; if the former stops or stagnates then so will the latter."

Boy, oh boy, this reflecting lark can be quite emotional at times!



  1. Hi Sarah, I think you are very tough on yourself and the fact that you care so much lets me know already that you are a wonderful teacher. It is natural to see the successes and failures of your students as a direct reflection of your own work and self but maybe you should give yourself a little more credit for the good things you have done over the years and remember that the students are their own people and all you can really do is guide them!

    It's good that you are opening up more..I say a lot of things to my students, particularly about confidence and self-esteem that I think I'm getting a bit too good at faking myself! It's good for us to know our weaknesses but also our strengths as well, and your own critical reflection should be equally about both!

    I hope the end of your weak is a little brighter! x

  2. What a lovely blog, written from the heart. I think the BAPP process has really given me an insight into my practice and also my wants and needs as an individual. I am so grateful that I took this opportunity and have got so much from it in more ways than that (hopefully) final piece of paper that says we have a degree. It is tough right now, we are all working so hard. My inquiry is about work/life balance and at the moment I have none! I am working full time, studying and trying to get a job for January. Everyday the pressure seems to be mounting. Stay strong Sarah, the way you write so passionately about your work says how much of a fantastic teacher you are xx

    1. Mimi, I want to 'like' your comment! I couldn't agree more with your last sentence! Also, I too feel the whole BAPP process has genuinely taught me so much and made me so much more aware of myself as an individual and a practitioner..I'm glad it's done the same for you!